i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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