wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
