you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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