don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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