I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
