I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
