I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
