I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
