I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
