he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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