Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
