Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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