dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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