Girls should come with a carfax report
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
