you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
