I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
