I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
