so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
