just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
