drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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