I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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