Umm I'm too high to move.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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