I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
