PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
