You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
