I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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