i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
