I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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