I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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