i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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