I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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