I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
