sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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