a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
