Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
