that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize