fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
