I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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