I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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