Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
