are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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