I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have aggressive nipples.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
