how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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