I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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