pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
