My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
