it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
