So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
