I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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