He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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