it wasn't lemon gatorade
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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