I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
