Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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