The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
