clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
