dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
