Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
