So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
