Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
