People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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