The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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